Femmegasm

Oh man… where do I start… this isn’t exactly an easy thing to talk about, but… ummm… well, I start it like this… *ahem*

I apologize for the lack of comics last week, I was kind of away from the internet and computers in general that week. Why? Because I was in a Mental Health Facility. Seriously, I’m not kidding. I spent a week in a mental ward… sort of. Okay, it wasn’t like Arkham Asylum and I didn’t wear a straight jacker nor did I live in a padded room. No, but I was in a place where I was out of contact from most everyone (I did get visits from my wife, parents, and Aphex) and had absolutely no access to the internet or a computer (or decent art supplies). In short it was a place, where I hung around, interacted with other people, who were normal, just issues that were causing difficulty in their lives like alcohol, drugs, or self harm, but otherwise were normal people, and some of the nicest and fun people I’ve met.

So what got me put there, you ask. Well, on April 12, I had a complete nervous breakdown, it wasn’t pretty. Why did this happen… that’s harder to explain… as it is pretty personal, but I’ll do my best to explain it. In short, I’ve always suffered from depression (an ADD), but never saw a doctor for it, or seek the medication for it. This is because I have always found “mood altering” drugs to be kind of scary. I mean, taking medication to change my moods and mess with my brain is a scary concept. Now add in that I’ve never developed any good coping skills. My way to deal with anything that bothered me and would cause a negative emotion was to bury the feeling deep in myself and introvert all the anger and sadness I’ve felt in hopes that it would disappear. I’ve been doing this for as long as I lived and to be honest, it’s been a ticking time bomb that I’m surprised didn’t go off sooner.

Anyway, these feelings would manifest itself in multiple ways, but the most common one was depression, no matter how happy, sad, or angry I was, I’d always feel a dark gloomy cloud around me. So no matter how happy I was, I was never 100% happy. It’s a horrible way to go through life.

Now as you all may have noticed 2012 hasn’t been particularly nice to me, and I’ve been hit with a ton of bad luck. Some I’ve mentioned here, but a lot of it was personal and I kept to myself (and I still will, sorry, I have my reasons). Well April 12 came along, I was given some information about a bad business mistake I made, and it was the final straw and the camel’s back broke, so to speak. I lost it, and it was scary. It was like I was aware of what I was doing, but had little control of it. I started laughing maniacally talking about how stupid I was or how much of a failure I was, then I would space out and just stare into space (my wife said I looked like a deer caught in headlights), this was followed with me start crying uncontrollably, with the final phase being a semi-normal me who was just really REALLY depressed… after that I started laughing maniacally again and the whole thing would would start over again.

Concerned for my sanity my loving wife took me to the mental health facility in hopes I could talk to someone or something could be done to help me. By this time my body had been completely exhausted and the cycles stopped, but I was left completely exhausted, my body completely racked with pain, and myself at the most depressive level I’ve ever felt. I saw the doctor, explained everything, and was advised to spend a week there, so I could get some time away from everything that stresses me, see a psychiatrist for medication, and a therapist to learn how to cope.

In short it worked. I’m on anti-depressants now and I’ve learned how to cope with all my negative emotions better. Best of all, I still feel like me, but a better me. Like the dark gloomy cloud that was over me had finally been removed and I was able to feel happy, sad, angry, prideful all at 100% (and best of all I’m still sarcastic as hell ). I feel better than I’ve ever felt before, and I regret that I didn’t do this sooner. To be honest, I think damn near everyone I know could benefit from a week at the facility I was at. Seriously.

Also I want to mention that the facility wasn’t a bad place or anything. My only complaints were that the beds sucked ass and I got bored (a lot), but in trade I got three meals a day (which were for the most part, pretty good), the help I needed, got to watch TV, eat junk food, and got the help I so desperately needed. It was kind of like going to Summer Camp when you were a kid… except you’re not allowed to go outside. Yeah, that’s not a really good metaphor, but it’s the best I got.

So I will end this by saying please don’t treat me any different than you already do. I’m not crazy, nor was I ever crazy. I was just a guy with a lot of backed up aggression, who had a REALLY BAD DAY. And while I was gone for a week, trust me, it was for the better.

Thank you for staying with me, I really don’t deserve fans as good as you guys.

Thanks again.